The Day Before

The day before Eli died was an unusual day.

Jesse, who was 18 and enjoying his summer before college, was dealing with what we thought was a hernia issue.

So, the three of us made an early morning trip to Oakland Children's Hospital to talk with doctors about next steps.

We arrived at 8:30am, checked in, and were escorted to an exam room, where we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Aside from Jesse getting X-rays and the occasional walk to the vending machine, the three of us spent the entire day in a small, windowless room with no cell service. Nine and a half hours, to be exact.

​Thinking about it now, it had been years since the three of us, just us three, had spent that much uninterrupted time together. It felt like we were disconnected from everything and everyone, living in our own little world.

For Jesse, the last place he wanted to be on a summer day before college was trapped in a hospital exam room with his parents and we felt bad for him. But selfishly, it was amazing quality time with our soon-to-leave-the-nest youngest.

No distractions. Just us.

And, Jesse being Jesse, he was generous, open and leaned into the experience. We played 20 Questions, Name that Tune, talked about nothing and everything, tried to nap, annoyed each other, and sat for long stretches in silence.

And though Eli wasn’t there physically, and wasn’t aware of any of this, his presence was felt. Ten years earlier, he’d had double hernia surgery in the same hospital. And Eli being Eli, when he got home he made up a song about the experience, which I had on my phone and we watched that day:

​Finally, around 6 pm, the doctors arrived and told us that Jesse didn't have any hernia issues after all, and no surgery was needed.

And just like that, we gathered our things and drove home.

​Nan and I had dinner, Jesse went out to meet his friends and everything felt normal again.

And then it wasn’t.

​Looking back, it's impossible not to think about that day, the day before the worst day of our lives, as preparation.

Preparing to be three.

Or maybe it was just one long unusual day the three of us got to spend together.

November 2025