Eli Played Soccer

Jul 14

Written By Scott Kane

When I talk about Eli, I tell people he was a great hugger, an excellent dancer, and a horrible singer.

I talk about his love of rap, poker, the TV show Community, and thrift shopping.

His complete lack of interest in animals, scary movies, or cleaning his room.

How he loved a strong cup of tea, a well-made sandwich, and friendly banter.

What I never mention is soccer.

Five years in, I’m realizing that was deliberate.

Not because it didn’t matter, but because I didn’t want his memory, my memory of him reduced to a game he played.

Not talking about it was my way of saying he was more than that.

But five years in, I’m also realizing something else. I avoided talking about it because it mattered too much.

The game consumed his life and our lives while he was here.

It was everything.

So, I kept it to myself.

Avoiding. Or maybe, protecting.

And if he were here, it wouldn’t be all consuming anymore.

It would be the thing he does weekly with friends as part of a fall adult Rec League in Brooklyn.

And as the years pass, it’s the thing we look back on once in a while, and slowly fades away as his life fills up with new memories.

But, there are no new memories.

So, here’s remembering Eli, the soccer player.

”Ball.”

Not “Mom,” not “Dad,” but “Ball,” was Eli’s first word.

Playing in one of his first-ever games as a six year-old, he was dribbling down the field, when he tripped and his hands accidentally touched the ball. The ref blew his whistle and yelled, “Handball!”

Eli sprinted off the field and straight into my arms, crying.

I told him it was okay, it was part of the game and asked if he wanted to go back out there.

He stopped crying, said yes, and sprinted right back onto the field.

From then on, he was always on a field

Always moving.
Always hustling.
Always around the ball.

Soccer became a year-round thing. Not just on the field, but off it, too.

Watching Premier League games while in the shower, or eating breakfast.

Posters on his bedroom wall.

He found the game.

The game found him.

He found his people.

As he got older, his teammates got taller and stronger.

He didn’t.

The game was harder in ways that had nothing to do with skill.

He was lucky enough to have coaches who saw him, but there were many who immediately looked past and chose not to see.

He had to work twice as hard to earn half the attention.

But, he always showed up.

Then, at 17, his body finally caught up.

And the kid who was easy to overlook on the field became the kid you couldn’t take your eyes off.

He was more confident than ever.

Fearless.

Rising between two defenders twice his size to head the ball to an open teammate.

First one on the field.
Last one to leave.

He loved being part of a team.
Leading one.

He wasn’t the best, but he made everyone better.

And he lifted up the people around him.

He was the first person to hug his teammates after a game winning goal or save.

He was the first person to console his teammates after a tough loss.

He wanted to win, and took losses hard, but it didn’t last long.

After a shower, an egg sandwich with hot sauce and some YouTube, he was good.

And we were there for all of it.

Driving to games and practices 5 days a week. A car full of boys, giddy with anticipation, talking and laughing while constantly switching the radio from 94.9 to 106.1 so the music never stopped and the commercials never started.

You have a friend in the diamond business. The Shane Company…Cupertino, San Mateo and Walnut Creek.

Nan knit hundreds of hats while spending countless days and nights on the sidelines watching him play, and regularly asking “Was that Eli? Is he hurt?”

Jesse, who never really cared about soccer, but cared about Eli, always showed up to play with his older brother.

In the living room, bedroom, on the street, at the park and everywhere in between.

The four of us spent many Thanksgiving dinners in random tournament locations, and celebrated his nineteenth birthday on a field in Michigan — his first and only year playing college club soccer, and the last time we saw him play in person.